So You Want To Be a Colonist

This past weekend, Mike and I put in a DVD for Avery and sat down to cull through the the stacks of international shipping bids we’ve received this week… and all without ever lifting a finger.

I went on a site called, typed in the necessary info, and presto! several bids came by way of e-mail the very next day.

A few days later, I received another email. “Not happy with the results? Do you want more options?”

Uh, I haven’t read through the first batch, but sure!

The next day brought phone calls from a whole new crop of shipping companies who wanted to personally discuss the details, answer questions,  and follow up with contracts by e-mail. LOVE. IT.

You can image why it would require TWO full episodes of “The Backyardigans” (American version, not British) to get through it all…

We’ve decide to go with one that touts itself as bearing the Royal Warrant of Her Majesty the Queen. I say, if it’s good enough for the royal household of the Queen, it is certainly good enough for the peasant household of Duffys.

That and they offered the most comprehensive details, including a “Guide to Relocating to the US”… you know, to help us fit in…

Here are a few of the lines that gave us a much needed laugh:

American English is spoken throughout the States, although you will find it very different from any other forms of English used in other countries.

Is that a nice British way of saying we talk funny?

There is no free health care provided by the Government and most Americans take out a private health insurance..

I would hardly call National Healthcare FREE.

Eating Out
It is customary to leave a tip (service charge) of at least 15% when eating out in restaurants.

I was once told it was rude to leave anything less than 20%, period. I, on the other hand, think it’s rude to expect anything for doing a lousy job. In fact wish there was such a thing as a “no tip” token for exceptionally BAD service. Just a little something that says, “No I didn’t forget. You just offer terrible service”.

Unless specially invited to eat out at a host’s expense, Americans pay for their own meals when dining with friends. If you are invited out, but your host does not offer to pay for your meal, you should be prepared to pay for it or decline the invitation.

I’ve had some first dates that have gone this way, and it’s a surefire way to ensure there isn’t going to be a second.

The drive-in or fast food restaurants are very popular providing an inexpensive hot meal in less than five minutes.

Heck yeah! We didn’t get to be the fattest country in the world by waiting patiently for shallots to brown in a pan and making polite conversation over finger sandwiches.

We like to eat alone… with big bites… and in our cars… while listening to talk radio.

The Americans have not yet succumbed to the metric system of weights and measurements and still use the imperial system.

Succumbed? I do believe it was called the “English System” once and, furthermore, were not YOU the ones that imposed it on us…

So what? Now that you’re all metric along with “the continent” (Europe), you’re suddenly too good to walk a MILE in our shoes?



Filed under Life In The States

3 responses to “So You Want To Be a Colonist

  1. Paul Hayes

    I think you’ve misinterpreted that last one, about the Measurements. It very much reads to me like one of those Little Englanders who hates the metric system, and is deeply upset that we “succumbed” to it.

  2. So sorry to hear that your leaving soon. I hope some miracle happens and you can stay. Very funny the explanation of how we are here in the States. I used to work with a few Brits. One of them came to me around afternoon coffee time and asked if I wanted a biscuit. I said yes, and he brought me some delicious shortbread cookies that had a layer of chocolate on one side. The were delish, but I explained to him that biscuits were something you had at breakfast with sausage gravy all over them. He was not amused. And thus began my introduction to British English. I’ve gotten much better over time.

  3. HILARITY! Thanks for sharing what the Queen’s detail is saying about us Americans.

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