If I’m approximately four weeks away from moving overseas, why am I at Ikea?
I’ll tell you.
I’m a neglectful mommy and my child has the power to bend solid wood. You see this cutting board?
It used to lie flat against the counter until it tangled with Avery…
I left him in front of the TV for about…umm, TWO minutes while I selfishly took a shower after a morning of scrubbing, mopping, and polishing the kitchen.
When I came back, Avery was standing over a teeny tiny cup with an empty Brita pitcher in his hands…
He missed the cup and there were puddles everywhere- on the counter, on the floor…
His simple response to my pained expression was, “Avery thirsty. Drink water, Mommy?” as if his every whim isn’t already catered to…
Furthermore, how DARE I shower when he was clearly suffering from dehydration…
I screamed ranted sent Avery to his room and cleaned up quickly, then I went up stairs to talk to him.
I got down to his level and coolly and calmly explained that if Mommy has to spend her ENTIRE day cleaning… and, then cleaning again… that doesn’t leave much time to do fun things together like play or go outside.
I thought it was a very “SuperNanny” approach. Just as I was about to pat myself on the back, Avery responded with, “But Mommy made mess too…”
“In bathroom. Mommy made mess. Water spill out of tub!”
I should note here that there is NO way to get out of our tub without getting water on the floor. There just isn’t…
(Especially when you have to hop out quickly to respond to a loud clatter in the kitchen…)
…and of course, when Avery went to his room, he walked past the bathroom and saw the water on the floor.
How else could I respond except with a stunned, “Ummm, yeeeeessss…. and that was… wrong. Okay, you’re not in trouble. Just… Just go play.”
Yes, out-maneuvered and out-argued by my two-year-old son. Brilliant.
I’ve never been so proud, but how does that all relate to the cutting board?
Well, it seems in my haste, I failed to mop up the water UNDER it and by the next day, it had taken on a decidedly “artistic temperament”…
…and since it came with the house, I’m obligated to replace it. So, that is why I’m at Ikea in the midst of selling, disposing, and giving away.
By the way, if any of you are ever tempted to remodel with a kitchen from Ikea, I must warn you. It may seem all sleek, modern, innovative, and CHEAP, but don’t.
Don’t. Don’t. Don’t.
Our landlords did and there are ways in which it sucks that violates our lease agreement and therefore I will not disclose it until after we move.
Basically, if you plan to LOOK at your kitchen, it’s good. Planning to use your kitchen, however… not so good.
Bendy solid wood cutting boards. Case and point.